It feels like fall :)

When people ask what my favorite season is, I never really can pick one. I like all of them for different reasons. During summer, I think to myself "This is definitely my favorite season! It's warm and sunny, there's no school...", but then the end of summer comes, school starts up again, and the air turns crisp. I love that too!! I'm so excited to buy school supplies, be around friends, watch the leaves turn colors, go to Badger football games and watch the Packers! I love being able to wear a light jacket or sweatshirt without being too hot or cold. And then after a while, I'll get bored with fall and I'll get anxious for the first snowfall and Christmas. Unfortunately, not long after Christmas do I get bored with winter because it's WAY too long in this state! So then I get excited for warm weather again and new life after the deadness of winter!

I went biking today to get some errands done and I saw a few freshman walking around with their maps. That just brings a smile to my face and I even giggle a bit because I remember doing the same thing (and walking around with Laura for who knows how long trying to find the entrance to probably one of the tallest buildings on campus!!). It's so crazy to think of all that I've learned, all I've been through, the people I've met, the things I've done, the classes I've taken and the person I've become in the last 4 years! And now, I'm still sort of in denial that this is my last semester of classes and that I'll be graduating in 9 months!! With where God has brought me in the last 4 years, where is He going to take me in the next 4? 10? 30??

On an entirely different subject, this morning on the Connie and Fish morning show, Fish told a story about how his friend's dad's suicide completely turned his friend's life around and made his friend turn to drugs and stuff. Well, this lady called in and told them that she's been contemplating suicide for a few months because she doesn't feel appreciated by her kids and just doesn't feel like there's anything to live for. Never did I think that I would hear something like this on the radio, but it was interesting to hear the people who called in to try to help this woman as well as Connie and Fish's concern. As I drove to work, I heard story after story of people who have attempted or thought of suicide for various reasons. It really got me thinking about how people get that depressed and hopeless and how they just have nowhere to turn, or feel like they don't. It really weighed heavy on my heart because Connie and Fish kept saying that if anyone can help this woman, to call or email right away. The thought that came to my mind was that this woman needed God! I guess I can't assume that she doesn't know Him, but even if she does, she obviously wasn't walking closely to Him if she was thinking about killing herself! I don't know what I'd do if I felt like I didn't have friends or family to turn to, and especially if I didn't have a loving God to turn to! It really made me think about how lucky I am to know Him and how thankful I am that He is in my life!!

Blessed :)

These past few days, I've been thinking about the amazing friends God has blessed me with. Last weekend was Brad and Tiffany's wedding, and I got to see a few of my good friends from project, and even some people from project that I don't know as well! It was cool because, as someone mentioned, no matter what group of people from project you get together, we always have a blast! It was so amazing to see the friends I did get to see, but it was almost a tease because we only were together for a few hours. It still sucks to say goodbye to them each time we depart, but each time it gets a little easier. Even though we may not know the next time we'll see each other, we know that God will somehow bring us together again. :) I've been thinking a lot about last summer and just reminiscing about all the times with them, especially with this year's projects ending this week, and it just brings so much joy to my heart. Rather than wanting to cry because we're not together, I just want to smile because they mean so much to me and will always be a part of my life...even if they live across the country. I also have felt so blessed with the friends I've made here in Madison. I've found friends that really know how to show Christ's love to others and who are willing to sacrifice things for others. I'm so excited for school to start again so we can all be together in Madison!

I can't believe it, but I move into the FLOCK this Sunday!! It's going to be such a weird feeling at first because I've only been there to visit a few times. I think it'll take a bit of time for it to really feel like home. But I'm excited for what God has in store for me there, as well as for the house as a whole. I'm praying that I will be able to form some awesome friendships with some of the girls there and I'm excited for the things we will be doing as a house! :)

I've also been thinking a lot about my options for after I graduate. I still have almost a year before I'm completely done with school, but I know it'll come fast and that I need to be thinking about what I want to do after school. Ideally, it would be great to find a teaching job here in Madison, or even in Wisconsin. But, I'm slowly realizing that that may not be a possibility right away. I realized that I may have the opportunity to really take advantage of not being married and having friends all over the country! Megan from project said it would be fun for us to live together sometime after I graduate and it got me thinking. How awesome would it be to move to a new city where project friends are and have a fresh start after college?? It's a little scary to think about moving out of the state, potentially semi-permanently, but then I'm always brought back to the fact that I lived in San Diego for a whole summer, where I only knew 3 other people, and I loved it and didn't want to come home! Granted, the atmosphere of project in San Diego played a large factor, but I still did it and it gives me confidence about doing it again after college. As I traveled to Missouri for my cousin's wedding and to visit friends, I seriously started to consider job searching there. The cities are nice there (St. Louis is gorgeous!) and I have so many people that mean the world to me there!! Plus, it's really not that far of a drive home. :) It's a little scary and surreal thinking about what I might want to do after graduation, but exciting at the same time!

Busy summer!!

Wow, this summer is flying by!! Working all day, every day really makes time go by fast! Work has been going alright. Each day is pretty crazy with around 18 (give or take a few) 6 year-olds in my class! We've had some fun field trips though and I've been learning a lot. I've realized that I really like the school setting much better than the daycare setting! So let's pray that I can find a teaching job after this next year of school!! I've also been learning patience, behavior management, and how to be loving in stressful situations! It's a rewarding experience though because, even though I feel like I'm constantly correcting their behavior, they still like to have fun with me and they tell the other teachers that they miss me when I'm gone. One of my kids today brought me a snack! She said they were out of apples at home, so she brought me a granola bar. :)

Two weeks from tomorrow should really be interesting. At the end of June, I visited some friends who were camping in the Dells. To make a long story short, the guy at the front park office let me in without buying a day parking pass. Later that night, a park ranger saw that I didn't have a pass and said that he would talk to the guy at the office earlier that night. He said that if the guy at the office denied letting anyone in, he would send me a citation. Well, 3 weeks later, I got one in the mail. Not only is the citation a rediculous $250-something, but he wrote up a report about what happened and basically lied about the details. So, in order to get this dropped or reduced, I have to go to the court in Baraboo to fight it. As evidence against the details the ranger lied about, I need to have my friends that were there write out what they remember happening. I've never fought anything in court, so I'm really nervous about going!! I'm sure it'll all work out though because God is faithful!

Other than that, I've just been enjoying my weekends off work! I've been going home quite a bit for various things, and I've gone a couple places with my family. Last weekend was awesome because my dad was able to get him, my sister, and me backstage to meet Carrie Underwood at Summerfest!!! She was so nice and amazingly gorgeous!!!! It was definitely one of my favorite meet and greets!! Next week, I'm going to Country Thunder to see Keith Urban, Carrie Underwood (again!!), Miranda Lambert, and Leanne Rimes! I might even get to meet one or two of them!! :D

My heart hurts...

The summer is underway, and I must say that it's been a little difficult. Being in Madison has been great, and I enjoy my job at the daycare (for the most part! :P), but it's definitely a step in the opposite direction from last summer. I've been getting emails and pictures from Lia in San Diego, and it just makes me miss everything about San Diego and SDSP more than anything. I want to hang out with my friends again, I want to be able to walk 2 blocks to Pacific Beach, I want to goof around at Sea World and sing all the songs, I want to walk to the Liquor store to buy Ben & Jerry's twice a week, I want to go on drives around town in Shawn's convertable with the top down, I want to be surrounded by a constant strong Christian community, I want to have the time of my life...again. Although I know if I had gone back this summer, it wouldn't have been the same as last year and I probably would've been expecting it to be. But it might be even harder being stuck in Wisconsin knowing that there's no way I can even go there to visit this summer. Part of me wishes I would've gone to intern this summer, but that's obviously not what God wanted for me. There's no way I could've afforded to not work for over a month, and God provided a great job here in Madison for me. But, like I said at the end of last summer, it just hurts so bad to think that the next time I'll be able to experience anything close to last summer is in Heaven. Luckily though, I'm hoping to see a few of my SDSP friends later this summer, both at Brad and Tiff's wedding and as I drive home from my cousin's wedding in Missouri. Until then, my heart will hurt. :(

Like I said, work is going pretty well. The summer program started on Monday and it's been SO crazy this week!! I'm the teacher for the kids that just finished kindergarten and I have a great class (I'm running out of room for all the pictures they make for me!). But it's also been pretty stressful at times because the days still lack a bit of structure, so it's been a challenge to think of things for the kids to do. Luckily, the kids will start having mini-classes (such as big messy art, creative cuisine, sports extravaganza, etc.) every morning starting next week. Hopefully this will calm the kids down and give more structure to the day. Today was a kind of stressful because our swimming field trip got cancelled due to rain, so the kids were upest about that. As a result of being inside most of the day, they were also very antsy and slow to listen. I got pretty frustrated by the end of the day, which I'm learning that I need to learn to deal with. I found myself yelling at the kids a lot towards the end of the day, which is something I don't want to always be doing. I realized today that I really need to learn to rely on God more throughout my day at work, especially on days like today. I want to learn how to handle my frustration better so that I'm not always taking it out on the kids. But, I also think I won't be getting quite as frustrated because the kids will be involved in more activities, which will hopefully lead them to getting less bored during free times. And of course, to top today off, we had a parent that was very upset that her daughter was all dirty from playing in the sandbox, and as a result to being in the sandbox, lost a sandal. That definitely wasn't a good way to end the day, but I sort of just shrugged it off because I, as well as other staff, thought her reaction was a little out of line and was most likely the result of a bad day. Tomorrow, I will be reliving my Sea World days as we go on a field trip to a Clydesdale farm! Should be a fun time!

"I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but that now as always, Christ will be exalted in my body, with sufficient courage, whether by life or by death. For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain."
~Philippians 1:20-21~

Great is Thy faithfulness...

Lately, I've slowly been realizing how faithful God really is. It all started with my new car and new job this past semester. My car came at a perfect time and I never realized how much I really needed it. My new job has also proved to just be perfect. I've loved the last month or so and it's going to be a perfect summer job. I finished school last Thursday, and starting yesterday, I'm working full-time, helping out in the preschool and baby rooms, until the kids get out of school in June. Today, we had a meeting with the director about the school-age summer program, and it sounds like it's going to be really cool. Each grade level has a main teacher in charge (with another couple of teachers around to help out with all of them) and I will be the full-time kindergarten teacher for the summer! :D Each week of the summer program has a theme and each day has an activity or field trip that goes along with the theme. The kids also participate in enrichment classes every morning, such as arts and crafts, horseback riding, oragami, etc. It's so nice being at a job where I'm actually needed. My first daycare job told me they had lots of hours for me, but I many times found myself being sent home early or just not being given hours. My job at the Preschool Lab was alright (despite some semesters working only 4 hours a week) until they told me they didn't have any hours for me this semester. This job at Campus for Kids is so wonderful because they really need my help, I can get all the hours I want, and it's such a great environment. :)

God also proved Himself faithful to me last night...and it was one of those instances where there was no doubt it was God's working. So, Monday night I was a little down, struggling again with the whole self-worth thing. I went to the study day at my church to hang out with some people. It was fun and all but a lot of people were actually studying and I felt like I was just floating around, trying so hard to find people to talk to and hang out with. At one point, one of my friends told me she had to find her "crew", which of course got me thinking that I feel like I don't really have a "crew". I didn't have a group of people there that I could spend time with because everyone else already had their own groups. I did get to hang out with a few people and it was pretty fun, but I just came home feeling lost and down. I was expecting to go to the study day and have a blast just hanging out with lots of my friends. But instead I mostly felt like I was that annoying person who follows people around because she doesn't have her own friends. I know that's not how my friends feel, but that's how I feel I'm coming off. Anyway, I prayed about it Monday night after I got home. I prayed for my summer and that I wouldn't feel lonely and lost. I prayed for God's protection against the lies that get into my head. I prayed for comfort for the feelings of sadness I was experiencing. I also prayed for the happiness I felt last summer, when I felt like I had a solid group of friends. Well, God answered that last one right away. I talked to my mom on the phone last night until about 9:30. When I got off the phone, I went upstairs when minutes later, my phone rings. I didn't recognize the number, but I answered it anyway. It was my friend Matt from summer project! He had told me months ago that he was going to call me but didn't get around to it until last night. We talked for about a half hour and I went upstairs again after our conversation. I hadn't put my phone down for longer than a minute when it rings again. It was Bruce from project, whom I haven't talked to in a while, let alone on the phone since January!! We got to talk for a whlie and just catch up. Those calls were just what I needed after how I was feeling Monday night. And the timing of those calls were so perfect...it only could've been God. Although their calls don't necessarily mean everything's completely better inside, they really made me happy. They made me feel loved because both of them thought about me that night to the point that they wanted to call and talk to me. And they reminded me of the amazing friends I have, even though they live far away. It really gave me what I needed to get through what I was feeling and it totally made me just praise God for His faithfulness. It made me really want to just give everything up to God and trust that He will provide for me and comfort me. :)