1 week left!!

I only have 1 week of school left from today!!! I can't believe how quickly this semester has gone by! Or this year for that matter!! I was just talking to Katie Holmes today about how weird it is to think that a new SDSP is starting in a month!! I'm not ok with that! No one can replace SDSP '05! :P

Tonight at Primetime we saw a drama called "The Bema" or "The Judgement Seat of Christ". It was a monologue about a guy that dreams Jesus returns and takes him to Heaven, where he finds himself, along with the entire history of the Christian church, being judged for their good works before Christ. I had seen it before, but it's such a good drama, so it was great to see it again. It really makes you think about things we do here on Earth and whether we're living our lives and making decisions for ourselves or for Christ. The guy in the drama begs Jesus to give him more time on Earth so he can make more of an impact because he feels he wasted his time on Earth. It's interesting to think about. It's so easy to think that we have our whole lives to make a difference and do things with eternal significance, when in actuality, we don't. What are we going to do today to stop living for ourselves and start living for Christ? Another cool part in the drama was when the main character was being judged by Jesus. Christ was playing back the character's life, the good and the bad, with a smile on His face the entire time. The main character then mentions that Jesus can't see the sins in his life...because they've already been dealt with by Jesus' death. He can't see them!! They're not only forgiven...they're forgotten!! I know I often think about sins I've committed in the past and I can't understand how God could ever forgive me for continually sinning against Him. But it's so awesome to think that when I meet Him face to face, all He is going to see about me and my life is the good...the bad is completely history. Can I get an Amen?! Haha...

Another thing I've thought about lately is just the thought of not knowing Christ. Things like this drama as well as life circumstances have caused me to think about what I would do if I didn't know Jesus. Where do non-Christians turn when things are hard or something out of their control happens? Sure, there are friends and family we can all turn to, but what if it's something beyond anyone's control? I've thought some about how great it is to know that there is somewhere I can turn when I need help or when I need an outlet. Knowing that there is something greater out there that cares for me and the things in my life, and has a specific plan for me, is so reassuring!! I honestly don't know what I would do with myself if I didn't have that in my life! I think I would feel so lost and just not know what to do, especially if it had to do with something beyond human control. It makes me wonder why people choose to live their lives without Christ. Wouldn't you want assurance in your life that someone is looking out for your good and that you can turn to him whenever you need or want?! I don't know what would be better than knowing the creator of the universe!!

If you're someone who doesn't know about the life you can have with Jesus, please ask me!! I would love to be able to say with assurance that I'm going to see all the people I care about in Heaven!! :)

Ugh...

So this week was kind of a tough week in some ways. I started my new job at Campus for Kids last week and I really like it...it's laid back, I work with really nice people, and the kids are a lot of fun. I'm starting to learn a lot of the kids' names, but I feel like I still have a long way to go! Working a little bit everyday makes for a quick adjustment though. Practicum is going alright, but I'm kind of anxious for it to be over. It's just frustrating because I have 4 different things I need to accomplish for my classes in my practicum classroom and we only have 6 days left in our classrooms. There's no reason why these projects need to all be done now. A couple definitely could've been done earlier in the semester when we had less things to do. My days have become pretty long now that I have a job. I work everyday, whenever I have a break from classes, and it takes 20 minutes to drive to work, so it makes for a long day. I think my body is still adjusting to being on the go so much because I feel beat at the end of the day.

I also just found out that I no longer have a room at home. :( When talk about what bed I was going to bring to the FLOCK next year began and when I told my mom that I'm not coming home this summer, my mom decided to move my brother into my room and make my brother's room into a den, therefore leaving me without a room. I was fine with it at first because I'll be in Madison most of the time anyway. But I definitely didn't expect them to go through with it already! I got kind of sad when I realized what just happened. I told my mom that I probably won't go home to visit much now because it won't feel like home. It'll be like I'm just a guest at someone else's house, despite having lived there for 10 years. I guess it was bound to happen sooner or later...it was just sooner than I had expected.

I've still been struggling a bit with self-esteem issues too. Little and random things will make me think stupid thoughts I know aren't true. Like sometimes I feel like my cooperating teacher doesn't like me very much, and then I start to think that it's because of certain things about myself that I don't necessarily like. I'm trying to just rely on God to rid my mind of these thoughts, but it's hard at the same time when I start to believe these thoughts. It's hard when I want to see God work sooner than He does. The Casting Crowns song "Praise You in the Storm" is a really good reminder about praising God even when things aren't looking up or things are hard, and relying on Him for strength. It's a good reminder to continually seek Him despite how things are going. I know God is there for me and has a plan for me...the patience is the hard part.