My heart hurts...

The summer is underway, and I must say that it's been a little difficult. Being in Madison has been great, and I enjoy my job at the daycare (for the most part! :P), but it's definitely a step in the opposite direction from last summer. I've been getting emails and pictures from Lia in San Diego, and it just makes me miss everything about San Diego and SDSP more than anything. I want to hang out with my friends again, I want to be able to walk 2 blocks to Pacific Beach, I want to goof around at Sea World and sing all the songs, I want to walk to the Liquor store to buy Ben & Jerry's twice a week, I want to go on drives around town in Shawn's convertable with the top down, I want to be surrounded by a constant strong Christian community, I want to have the time of my life...again. Although I know if I had gone back this summer, it wouldn't have been the same as last year and I probably would've been expecting it to be. But it might be even harder being stuck in Wisconsin knowing that there's no way I can even go there to visit this summer. Part of me wishes I would've gone to intern this summer, but that's obviously not what God wanted for me. There's no way I could've afforded to not work for over a month, and God provided a great job here in Madison for me. But, like I said at the end of last summer, it just hurts so bad to think that the next time I'll be able to experience anything close to last summer is in Heaven. Luckily though, I'm hoping to see a few of my SDSP friends later this summer, both at Brad and Tiff's wedding and as I drive home from my cousin's wedding in Missouri. Until then, my heart will hurt. :(

Like I said, work is going pretty well. The summer program started on Monday and it's been SO crazy this week!! I'm the teacher for the kids that just finished kindergarten and I have a great class (I'm running out of room for all the pictures they make for me!). But it's also been pretty stressful at times because the days still lack a bit of structure, so it's been a challenge to think of things for the kids to do. Luckily, the kids will start having mini-classes (such as big messy art, creative cuisine, sports extravaganza, etc.) every morning starting next week. Hopefully this will calm the kids down and give more structure to the day. Today was a kind of stressful because our swimming field trip got cancelled due to rain, so the kids were upest about that. As a result of being inside most of the day, they were also very antsy and slow to listen. I got pretty frustrated by the end of the day, which I'm learning that I need to learn to deal with. I found myself yelling at the kids a lot towards the end of the day, which is something I don't want to always be doing. I realized today that I really need to learn to rely on God more throughout my day at work, especially on days like today. I want to learn how to handle my frustration better so that I'm not always taking it out on the kids. But, I also think I won't be getting quite as frustrated because the kids will be involved in more activities, which will hopefully lead them to getting less bored during free times. And of course, to top today off, we had a parent that was very upset that her daughter was all dirty from playing in the sandbox, and as a result to being in the sandbox, lost a sandal. That definitely wasn't a good way to end the day, but I sort of just shrugged it off because I, as well as other staff, thought her reaction was a little out of line and was most likely the result of a bad day. Tomorrow, I will be reliving my Sea World days as we go on a field trip to a Clydesdale farm! Should be a fun time!

"I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but that now as always, Christ will be exalted in my body, with sufficient courage, whether by life or by death. For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain."
~Philippians 1:20-21~