Random

Of course, on my nights off from Panera, I still manage to stay up LATE! Stupid job always messes with my sleeping schedule! Oh well, it's the price I pay for making good money. Speaking of jobs, I found 3 babysitting jobs that I'm interested in and that sounded like they would work with my schedule and lack of a car. I was getting discouraged before because most jobs wanted either/both 1) a car, 2) full days...neither of which I have. But more job positions were posted on the UW job center website and God answered my prayers with three. Who knows if they will work out, but they sound good and would be a good source of a little extra money during the semester. And who knows, maybe one of them could lead into a full-time summer position!

I was bumming around in my email tonight when I remembered I had a ton of emails from my ex-bf saved. I decided to read through all of them (there were A LOT) and finally delete them all. If you don't know the story of my last ex-bf, ask me and I'll tell you the whole story. But basically, in a nutshell, we dated for a little over a year and the latter half of our relationship (when I was a freshman in college) was pretty emotionally/verbally abusive. It wasn't a healthy relationship at all and we stayed in it for way too long. Anyway, I took a major trip down memory lane tonight reading those emails. Some were good, some were bad...I had forgotten all I went through with him. While reading a lot of those emails, all that came into my mind was "I WAS SO STUPID!!" I was so immature compared to now, just in my faith, the way i reacted to things, my thinking, etc. I invested a lot of time into that relationship and, although it was not a good one for a long time, I learned so much and wouldn't take it back for anything. It's crazy to look back on something in hindsight and see how God used a seemingly bad situation for good. All goes back to my realization from TCX this year...God is good!!!!! Anyway, it felt SO good to finally delete those emails and the folder they were in. Kind of a final closure on everything that I apparently was saving, even though I've moved on in my heart and mind. I have some letters and momentos still from that relationship that I think would be good to get rid of as well. I think it's about time after almost 3 years! I've been thinking a lot about relationships lately. I trust God in His plan and timing, but it's so hard sometimes to wait because I want it so badly! It feels like everyone around me is getting together, engaged, or married and I'm being left in the dust. I've even found myself being almost cynical when I hear about certain people being together...but it all stems down to the fact that I'm jealous. I'm jealous of what other people have and wish I could have it too. I don't mean to feel that way, but it's been sort of a natural reaction lately. I've really been praying about it lately and I know that God will come through for me, comfort me, and reveal His plan to me...because He is GOOD! :D

Anyway, I saw some pictures of another Crusade Christmas Conference in Denver that a ton of project people went to. It made me so sad to see them all together again having fun! I MISS THEM SO MUCH!!!! I got to talk to Bruce and Jeremy on my way home from TCX last week and it just made me so happy. It's crazy how my friendships from project just light a fire in me. If I had a car and money, I would definitely make a road trip across the country to visit everyone! Until then, we'll have to rely on weddings to bring us together (Brad and Tff...wink wink!!).

Well, now that it's 2:00 am and I have church in the morning, I'm going to try to make my way to bed. Thanks for reading! :)