Lots of emotions...

So, last weekend was summer project reunion in St. Louis!! It was the day so many of us were anticipating since August! It feels so weird to have it come and gone already...it feels like it was all a dream!! It was so much fun though and it felt so good to see everyone again! Me, Katie, and Lia got to St. Louis around 6:00 pm on Friday and it was so overwhelming!! People kept trickling into the hotel and we all couldn't stop hugging each other!! The first person I saw was Jeremy and I literally almost knocked him over cuz I ran into his arms and gave him the biggest hug!! I was the happiest person in the world. :D Jeremy had been telling me how reunion is never the same as project and that most reunions don't have a lot of people come to them. But he came up to me one point on Friday and told me that this reunion was way different...we all felt like we had never left each other. We were all so happy to be with one another again! Plus, we had probably between 70 and 80 people out of 122 come to reunion!! We just love each other so much! :) Anyway, most of the weekend was free time that we could spend doing whatever we wanted. We had a short large group time Friday night where people could share what God was doing in their lives and on their campuses. It was awesome to hear the stories some people had and to hear how God is working around the country. We then reminisced in old times and sang God is With Us (the "project song" we always sang together) as well as the Soak Zone song from Sea World! Friday night, a bunch of us went to a place called the City Museum. It's actually not a museum at all, but an adult playground!! It was so crazy!! It was both indoor and outdoor and had things you just climbed on and through all over the place! It even had a ball pit! Except, all the boys got in it and basically killed each other with the balls! I can't even begin to describe the place though. I didn't take any pictures, but if I get my hands on some, I'll add them. Anyway, that was a ton of fun and we all felt like little kids again! Saturday was an awesome day. After breakfast, we had a large group devotional in the morning led by our old student project director. I actually don't really know how that went because Souza and I missed a huge part of it! We went off to talk and catch up after breakfast and kind of missed a good part of the devotional. Whoops! Afterwards, I went with Jeremy and Matt to Matt's apartment at Maryville to look for Jeremy's lost phone (sorry you never found it buddy!) :( A big group of us then coordinated rides to downtown, to get lunch, and go to the arch. I went in Shawn's car with Jamie, Bruce, and Mike S. and we took a little detour on our way downtown. We ended up stopping at Shawn's apartment (we tried to say hi to Mike Duncan, but he was on the phone), driving past Wash U (a gorgeous campus, might I add!) and then hit up Steak 'n Shake for lunch (a first for me...we apparently don't have those here...). We took our lunch downtown and ate underneath the arch, which was really cool. Downtown St. Louis is absolutely gorgeous. Probably one of the prettiest cities I've been to! I'm such a city girl, so I loved hanging out downtown! After lunch and just hanging out for a while, we went to the St. Louis zoo (a free zoo!!). It was a really cute zoo and it was all decorated for Halloween, so that was fun. We hung out there for a bit, and then headed back to the hotel to chill for a while. Later that night, a huge group went to 'O Charlies for dinner, but a smaller group of about 18 of us decided to go to a cute little Italian restaurant for a more intimate setting, which was really fun! Later in the night, we all got together for worship which was just amazing. It was so incredible to be with everyone again, just praising the Lord! It brought a lot of people to tears and was just very moving. My old ladies and I then spent some old lady time together, just catching up and being silly (I'm glad no one got hurt by those beach balls! Or that we didn't get in trouble for being too loud!! :P) I then hung out with some people before saying goodbye to them and going to bed. :(

Leaving reunion wasn't as hard as I had anticipated (although I never got to say goodbye to Jeremy! All the more reason he needs to visit WI!! :P) but it sucks after the fact. Just thinking about everything, I came to the realization that we don't have another large gathering to look forward to anymore. There is nothing planned after this where we'll get to see one another. I won't see a lot of those people until I get to Heaven!! That's such a weird and sad thought to me. I hate that the US is so big and hard to visit people. All the more reason to invite everyone to each other's weddings!! But still, it's just a sad thought to think that never again will I experience this summer or last weekend. I know I've talked about this before, but it really is sad!! Our project has an incredible connection that veteran project-ers have said is unique and something they haven't seen before. The thought of never experiencing again on this Earth is a horrible thought. I think we should all move to the same place and live together forever! How's living in San Diego again?? I bet the condos and motel would be available! :P

So, here's the part that I'm sure everyone is dying to know (especially all you SDSPers that asked us all throughout this summer and last weekend!!)...
Shawn and I had a little talk about where things are going. I really wanted to talk about it last weekend and just get it out there to make sure we were on the same page about things. I didn't want to be kept on the edge about things if it wasn't going anywhere. Basically, the distance between us would really make it difficult for us to keep each other a high enough priority and completely committed to each other. I realize some people are successful in doing this, but for others it's not as easy, which is our case. To tell the truth, it was really hard for me to hear this. I feel like I'm back to square one. Despite what was said, I have a lot of respect for Shawn. It's refreshing to know that there are guys out there that are so devoted to the Lord and their future spouses! Anyway, not much is really going to change between us as friends, but it's more of a personal change I need to make in my heart and mind. As hard as this is at times, I still know that this is what God wants for both of us right now. I was in prayer about this everyday since project and I prayed before reunion that God would just reveal what he wants for the both of us. Well, it was revealed and now I'm just relying on God to get me through it and trust in His mighty and perfect plan for me. I've been struggling with watching people around me get married and engaged left and right and why God has decided to have me wait to experience that. I realize that I'm not ready to get married right now, but I wish I knew why I get glimpses a relationship or an amazing guy, but then they just fizzles before my eyes. I just don't understand why...but then again, God works in intricate ways and we're not supposed to understand that. One thing that I just keep trying to remember is that if these are the emotions and feelings I have towards someone I'm not supposed to be with, I can't even imagine what it will be like when I find the guy God does want me to be with!! This is just one of those things that just helps me to draw closer to God for comfort and strength...and I can only praise Him for that!!

Sorry this was so long...there was a lot to update! Hope everyone had a safe and fun Halloween! :)